3 month countdown

3 month countdown: (JULY 2011)

Its not like I’m counting every minute...just every day that passes is all...

I’ve officially started my 3 month countdown. Well, it isn’t officially three months yet because my request to have an early COS by 30 days has yet to be officially approved and confirmed, but I see know reason why it wouldn’t be. Its odd how the Peace Corps has transformed my sense of time into thinking that 3 months is but a drop in the bucket, but I had this same sensation as I was finishing my military obligation as well. My feelings are being pulled in several directions as I wish time would move faster so I could move on with my life plans, hoping time doesn’t move to fast so that I remember to truly soak up my last few weeks in site, and not being able to believe where almost two years have gone...I arrived here in Obama’s first year of service; Avatar was still in theaters for crying out loud! I continually tell myself to keep my head in the game since there is still time to work and help out (seeing as my time left is still longer than many other NGO’s or foreign volunteers spend in foreign countries doing projects), but I won’t cover up the fact that I’m definitely catching up on my book backlog and movie supply; if anything to finally get rid of them as I start to think about packing.

The hard part about coming to the end of a long term commitment is being split in two parts, the present and the future. Its hard to stay focused on helping my host site when the prospect of finding a new apartment, applying to colleges, thinking about how best to spend the re-adjustment allowance, and all the other, “other” things that have nothing to do with my life here in Peru slowly start to creep over the horizon like the coming rays of morning, (the “light at the end of the tunnel” analogy seems apt as well.) I’ve never been one to have my entire being in the moment. I seem to always have at least one foot, a cocked eye, and an alert ear to the coming possibilities what my future can hold, and now is no exception. Try as I might to remain present minded it usually ends in vain considering that every conversation I have with people in my town has now become a handy reminder that, “tres meces, (three months)” *subtle whistle of astonishment* in fact “no es mucho tiempo, (isn’t much time)” or that I “no falta nada, (don’t have much more)” and indeed those last few months will “pasar rapido, (you guessed it, pass quickly).” So my best coping mechanism will be to just fall into the gentle reverie of waiting which Peru has taught me so well, and try to seek comfort in the idea that what could have been has been and what I could have done I did.

Now, another thing I also want to talk about is something that seems to be all-a-buzz with the Peru 14 volunteer group; who is staying for a third year. After getting through with the recent Limpi Sequia, which many of you blog followers may remember from last years posts and even my first year video that I made, I had a flash of what it might feel like to stay a third year. As the community members finished up the festivities and started naming the people that will be responsible for certain activities for next year ensuring the tradition gets carried on, they came upon my name since I was in charge of bringing coke for this year. They all looked at me with pleading eyes, asking me if I would be able to bring coke next year; such a heartbreakingly simple request which I had no power to say “yes” to since I wouldn’t be here. At that moment it flashed through my mind, “what if I was here next year?” And I found myself toying with the idea of how much more ingrained and heartfelt my relations would be with my host community if I could pass one more round of annual festivities. How much more enlightened they could become with all the extra environmental presentations I could give in an extra year. And even how much more productive I could be with technical projects with a whole new year to apply for grants. But like I said, the moment was a flash, and passed without anyone else but me realizing what had happened. I came back to reality, finalized my inability to pledge another round of coke for the next year, and felt satisfied that I had made the right decision of leaving when my two years are up. To be honest I want to leave on a high note. I want to leave just when my town doesn’t want me to go. I want to have a positive, nostalgic sigh pinned to every thought of me when the town members of Miraflores think of the awkward, bearded gringo that had the audacity to leave his parents for a foreign land...

...so once again, sorry Diego, I just don’t think the third year position is for me.